Under the glaring spotlights and constant flash of his father's camera, he was finding his prepared speech difficult to read as he told the audience of students, parents and school board officials that his class had "arrived at school strangers and now leave as friends."
With that, Mr. Ironside -- dressed at his mother's insistence in a crisp white dress shirt and black tie -- paused and crumpled up the paper that held his carefully typed string of cliches.
"A lot of you were jerks," he informed the rows of 18-year-olds, dressed in oversized suits and undersized skirts.
Tip of the hat to Amygdala for pointing this gem out to me.
No-Lyfe Productions needs some hokey action movie lines. Ones that are instantly memorable (at least to those who have seen the movie only once). Some examples are "I'll be back," (Terminator), "Yippee Kayay Motherfucker" (Die Hard), and whatnot.
But Odie as a purebred Daschund? Nope. Impossible, no, kick the director off the table PLEASE. Odie is a Mutt. He has a black, waggly tail, brown floppy ears, a black spot, and a pimento for a nose, along with a tongue that's nearly as big as he is.
What next, Nermal live-action as well? Yeesh.
And then there's the voice... I know, I know. "They can cast anyone they want." Uhm... no. They can't. I want the voice of Garfield I grew up with, that every time I read a Garfield strip I hear in my head. I want the voice from the Garfield animated movies, from the Garfield & Friends TV show. I want Lorenzo Music.
Yes, I know he's dead. Doesn't mean I can't want him, or at LEAST someone who can do a halfway decent vocal impersonation.
And yet again I update this... now I have the full list.
#1 -- Bill Murray (Garfield). -- Someone needs to mail Bill to Abu Dhabi for this. #2 -- Breckin Meyer (Jon Arbucke) -- now, he doesn't seem to badly cast. #3 -- Jennifer Love Hewitt (Liz Wilson) -- Ok, she's cute. They got the hairdo down too. I can live with this. #4 -- Stephen Tobolowsky (Walter Chapman) -- Who? #5 -- Geoffrey Gould (Milkman) -- this role requires a lot of makeup anyways. #6 -- Debra Messing (Arlene, voice) -- Hrm. I can see it. #7 -- David Eigenberg (Nermal, voice) -- Will someone PLEASE remind the producer that Nermal is a FEMALE kitten? #8 -- Mo'Nique Imes-Jackson (Rat, voice) -- Strike me if I'm wrong, but I thought the Rat was a guy...
Ah well. I will probably see it when it wanders out. I'll probably want my two hours back afterwards, too.
