Alex Whitlock (Pariah)

Whitlock was born on the outskirts of our nation's capital in a place called Leesburg, Virginia. His parents risked death, bodily harm, and excessive taxes by escaping the oppressive socialist regime named "Maryland" and their substandard "health care system." The Whitlock family was captured and shortly thereafter extradited back to Maryland, where they were held captive in a 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom, 2-car garage prison for about two years before finally escaping to the “whole ‘nuther country” of Texas.

Though having escaped the socialist regime of the northeast for the pastures of God-fearing, freedom-loving, and right-to-carry-semiautomaticsing Texas, he had not yet escaped the treachery of fascism, though in a subtler form. The car he was given access to was required to be home at a certain time. Furthermore, work including manual labor in the yard with a dangerous fast-turning blade was sometimes required in exchange for money. Money, it should be noted, that it was forbidden to spend on such contemporary modern commodities as LSD and prostitutes.

While living in Clear Lake, a haven outside the petroleum industrial district known as Houston, young Whitlock spent his formative years as a compulsive liar, later learning as long as you call yourself a “writer,” no one minds if you make stuff up. He’s been a writer ever since.

At age 18, Whitlock was transferred from the Clear Lake Unit to the University of Houston Unit to obtain more formal instruction to increase his productivity in service to the state. His time there was spent there obeying the regional wardens known as “Professors” and becoming indoctrinated in the ways of the technocracy of the distant imperial regime of Microsoft. Additionally, he was recruited by the state-run publication known as the “Daily Cougar” by the ignorance expressed by its then left-wing idiotic elite.

Eventually indoctrinated and ready to join the general populace, he was released from the University of Houston Unit and began working for a petroleum exploration products company within the district of Houston as a liaison between the company and the Republic of Microsoft.

Whitlock was not content to become just another cog in the oppressive clock known as “reality,” however. During his time at the UofH Unit working at the Cougar, he expanded his services as a writer to various right-wing and libertarian publications and honing his skills. Later during his four-year term he became associated with a counter-revolutionary propaganda outfit known as “No-Lyfe Productions,” where he was able to put his skills into practice by assisting them in the production of anti-establishment parablic tales of pottie jokes and drug references using secretly obtained footage from a land far away in his never-ending attempt to be unleashed from the shackles of The Man.

To his authorial credit, he has an unpublished novel (working on his second), numerous short stories, some lousy poetry, and numerous opinion columns with various publications. Someday, he might just save the world.